What is the reality we’re facing, where is the hope, and how do we come alongside young people in a way that opens the door for healing and connection to Jesus?

 

The topic of violence can be heavy to discuss, let alone think about. Yet, it is a reality we live in. Are you ready for some difficult numbers? Already this year alone there have been 95 mass shootings as of March 2nd, 2023. Three hundred thirty-six is the number of school shootings that have occurred in the U.S. since Columbine. That happened 24 years ago and the rate averages out to 14 per year.

 

There were 36 homicides in 2022 across Pierce County.

 

Is this mostly an inner city issue? Are the majority of these incidents gang-related? There’s no evidence of that being the case. In fact, the reality is that no community is untouched by violence. A quick search reveals that 128 violent crimes were reported in Spanaway, 463 in Lakewood, 17 in Orting, 83 in Graham, and 142 in Puyallup. 

 

This topic is directly connected to the emotional and mental health of our young people. I also believe this is directly connected to YFC’s philosophy of engaging youth in Authentic Christ Sharing Relationships.

 

In engaging this topic, please know that my goal is not to politicize the topic in any way. I am merely acknowledging that violence exists and we have an opportunity to help others as they navigate their emotions and responses. These situations, although tragic, provide us another opportunity to point others to Jesus.

 

So what violence are we talking about? Well, it is the global, national, and local level occurrences. It’s both the events we see on the news and social media. It is also the events that don’t make the headlines. So whether the war in Ukraine, the violent unrest in Haiti, the murdering of young people in the streets of Iran, the multiple mass shootings in our nation, or the many violent events here in our area, in our backyard, we, as a youth-focused community, have the unique ability to be a support to our young people – the young people who are part of our lives.

 

Before we go any further, I want you to pay attention to your reaction. How you are feeling even bringing up this topic? Note it in your mind or on a piece of paper because this is an indicator we will refer back to in just a moment.

 

Making Sense of it All: Why and How We Should Respond

For youth, most often they will immediately go to their peers or the trusted adults in their lives to feel safe. They want to understand what’s happening. They want to make sense of it all.

 

However, this can be challenging because often we have some feelings about the circumstance. We are figuring it out ourselves. So before we go to the HOW, let’s sit in the WHY.

 

Why should we be the ones to engage in this conversation? 

One big reason, in addition to what I’ve mentioned earlier, is our desensitization to violence. Our nation is becoming numb to these circumstances. Some have dubbed it compassion fatigue. We are at a point where these situations occur so frequently and we see them happen so much that it is becoming a struggle for us to be in the moment and allow ourselves to feel the weight of these tragedies.

 

Earlier I asked you to take note of where you are at. Are you numb? Are you ignoring these

citations, avoiding the news feeds, or choosing to be unaware? I can’t say I blame you if you are.

However, I want to appeal to you. I don’t believe that is what God wants for us.

 

It is our role as Jesus’ people to fight against fatigue; to not allow ourselves to grow callous, or become apathetic. Rather, we are called to engage. And I do want to look at this Biblically, I don’t want you just take my word for it. What does the Bible say concerning why we should think through this topic? Why we should stay engaged? What scriptures come to mind?

“Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all

our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble” – 2 Corinthians 1:3

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in

spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

 

So we have our WHY, now what about the HOW?

● Check-in With Yourself

Before talking with teens or others check-in. How are you feeling? What do you need?

 

You might feel scared, worried, overwhelmed, angry, or helpless. Consider how any single event can call up past feelings and how those feelings might intersect with your or others’ identity (gender, race or ethnicity, family history, etc.).

 

Then as you are ready and prayed up, note that your presence is important. Jesus has given us a ministry of presence. It’s part of shepherding others — just existing in the space of someone struggling and being willing to sit with them.

 

● Clarify Your Goal

An overall goal is to create a safe space for others to share their feelings, questions, reactions, and perspective about what happened.

 

Ask yourself, “How might I learn more about the other person’s perspective or experience? How can I help this young person feel empowered in ways that are important to them?”

 

Some simple goals are: to be present, listen, be open, show interest, and clarify information.

 

● Provide Info and Options

This might be connecting them to a community organization where they can volunteer. This might be serving a family or person involved or writing letters to government officials. Depending on the circumstance, this could be a discipleship opportunity where you help them seek justice and righteousness that is honoring to God.

 

● Reflect

As you are engaging in discussion, practice good listening skills by restating what they are saying. Make sure they know you are listening. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with their opinions or even their emotional response. But, rather than fixing, we want to hear them out.

 

● Ask Helpful Questions

Similarly, ask open-ended questions that can help draw them out or help them discover how they are feeling emotionally.

 

● Go Slow, Pause, And Be Comfortable with Silence

When you pause and allow time, you communicate, “I have time for you and you are important.”

 

I want to be transparent with you. I realize I need to grow in this area, in even engaging in this conversation – with my kids, my spouse, and the youth that I am in a relationship with.

 

● Label Emotions

Then, as you will have done already for yourself, help the young person label their emotions. Help them be aware of how they’re feeling and by doing this you might be able to help them express their emotions or regulate them when they’re feeling overwhelmed.

 

● Validate and Normalize

We can help validate emotions and help teens feel understood.

Mental health is something that is plaguing our young people. The U.S. Dept. of Health says that 49.5% of our adolescents will have a mental health disorder at some point in their lives. It seems these violent events could be a high contributor to that number.

 

● Monitor Media and Social Media Exposure

Help youth understand the importance of balancing maintaining connection with friends and family via social media and limiting exposure to coverage of events. We want youth to be wise in their engagement with violence. We can help them by encouraging them to set boundaries for themselves.

 

And in all, as we press in and talk with teens when violence happens, we can share the hope of Jesus. The love of God. We can share authentically how we might be struggling, or how the situation is affecting us. We can be authentic in telling them how we need Jesus to show up for us. 

 

We can invite them to trust in the only God who offers to comfort us in our troubles, who meets us in our brokenness and afflictions, the God who was broken and afflicted for us.

 

Adapted from Talking to Teens When Violence Happens, Center for Resilience + Well-Being, The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, and University of Colorado Boulde